Great Moments in Raw History: "Pillman has a gun!"

Monday Night RAW has been on the air for nearly 20 years now - basically my entire childhood and adult life. Throughout those years, there have been a lot of moments that have been embedded in my memory, either because they were so epic that they can't be forgotten ("Tyson and Austin! Tyson and Austin!") or because they were so ridiculous that I just can't get over them (diaper matches, anyone?).

One of the earliest Monday Night RAW memories that I have is the Brian Pillman/Stone Cold Steve Austin rivalry. My favorite part? The November 4, 1996 episode during which Brian Pillman brought a gun onto live television.

As the Austin and Pillman rivalry amped up (after Pillman, Austin's former tag team partner, turned his back on the Rattlesnake and sided with the Hart Foundation), Austin headed to Pillman's home in Kentucky to finish what had been started on a previous RAW. Pillman had a group of friends outside his home protecting him, as Kevin Kelly and a camera crew filmed an interview with Pillman and his wife inside.

Sure enough, Austin breaks through the group and into Pillman's house. What does Pillman do? He pulls a 9mm handgun out and points it at a stunned Austin, as Pillman's wife (or Kevin Kelly... no one could tell) let's out a high pitched scream.

Of course, the camera feed cuts out. The director of RAW reaches out to then-announcer, Vince McMahon to say that there had been several "sounds like explosions" heard over the audio feed from Pillman's home.

Naturally, the video feed comes back just in time for the end of RAW. What do we see? Pillman's friends dragging Austin from the house, while a frantic Pillman threatens to "shoot that son of a bitch". Interestingly, in the heat of the moment, Pillman also lets the f-bomb fly - something that the WWE couldn't edit out of the live feed.

Both Brian Pillman and the WWE would eventually apologize, not only for the f-bomb but for the whole angle all together. It would be the last time a gun would appear on RAW, but also the beginning of the "beat him up in his own living room" angles (Orton vs. HHH, anyone?).

Potential WWE Products

With JR back on the mic, we have heard some and will continue to hear references to his Good Ol' BBQ Sauce. With that in mind, we thought up some other products the WWE should endorse. You're welcome, guys!


Mr. H's Mouthwash

I know many readers probably work the same droid life as me. Mornings are the most depressing time; you freshen up, get some oral hygiene done, get dressed and go to work. Well, let's add some excitement to our morning routine. Introducing WWE's new product: Mr. H's Mouthwash.

Though it may taste like normal mouthwash, the product will inspire the consumers to spit out their mouthwash like the King of Kings. Imagine the rush as you spit spearmint tasting liquid all over your bathroom. Surely the extra motivation will help you raise your Pedigree* at work.

*If you didn't like this pun, they are about to get way worse.


CM Punk's Straight Edge Taxi Service

Going out tonight, but don't have a designated driver? CM Punk will personally pick you up and return your car. Trying to pick up girls? CM Punk will make fun of failures endlessly. Want to start a fight with the bouncer? CM Punk may or may not have your back. On the way home, he will ridicule you free of charge. This service will ensure you Go To Sleep in your own bed.


Jeff Hardy's Drug Testing

Are you running a business? Are you concerned that your employees smoke a little too much meth? Try out Jeff Hardy's drug testing service. This man has been tested for drugs more than any other human being on planet Earth (except José Bautista). Sure, he's been caught a couple of times. But as any other great Hardy would, he learned from his mistakes.

Any positive test will turn the guilty party's hair into a brightly-colored rainbow. This guarantees that the guy will look like a dbag when you fire him, just like Hardy. Don't leave your business to a Twist Of Fate.


Kofi Kingston's Accent Removal

Moving to a new country? Want to fit in? Concerned that your particular manner of speaking is not relatable to the demographic you're pursuing? Use Kofi Kingston's Accent Removal now and avoid any Trouble In (your new) Paradise.

SummerSlam Preview: Staff Predictions

Who will be the winners and losers come Sunday? Who will entertain us? Who will we barely tolerate? How many spiders - real or imaginary - will R-Truth encounter? Are Fruity Pebbles magically delicious, or is that the other one? Here are the answers to some of these questions from a few of our staff.

Also, be sure to check out our SummerSlam poll to make your own predictions!

SummerSlam Preview: Potential Mid-Card Matches

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

Over the past few days we’ve had a look at the official SummerSlam card with a preview of the Diva’s Championship match, the WWE Championship match and the SmackDown match ups.

So far, that’s the whole card and word on the information superhighway is that the card will remain short officially. Whether that means we’ll only see four long matches or we'll see some filler pop up unannounced is yet to be seen. Thinking about sitting through 30 minutes of a Mark Henry match is sucking all the joy out of my soul, so I’ll admit I’m hoping to see some more talent show up in L.A. on Sunday. Here’s a peek at the possibilities.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

We’ve already seen some matches between these two. I’m always glad to watch the high-flying abilities of Kofi (though I’m less enthused to strain my eyes on the color of his shirt), and Del Rio’s antics never fail to amuse me. They played this feud up by having Kofi rescue Mickey Mouse from Señor Dinero en el Banco two weeks ago. Still, Mr. Boom Boom Boom is the quintessential jobber and I think we’re all hoping for some more unpredictability at SS.

Del Rio cashes in MITB

SummerSlam could - finally - be where Albie realizes his destino by cashing in on an exhausted Cena or Punk. The Mexican aristocrat can only cowardly flee so many times before it gets old, right?

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

The creative team has been working this angle for a few weeks: having these two meet at the end of the title tournament and then on opposing ends of a tag team match. A few days ago, The Miz smashed Rey’s face into the base of that WWE logo statue thing (preventing him from fervently pressing his forehead against the faces of any children this week). It sure looked like Mysterio might have been seriously injured - wink wink, nudge nudge - so this match up might be out.

I would not be surprised to see The Miz pop up somewhere, especially after his bitchy whining on Monday. Besides, dude is everywhere right now.

John Morrison vs. R-Truth

Morrison returned from injury faster than was expected and it would be a shame not to explore the simmering hatred between him and Crazy Eyes. After turning on his best pal in April, Truth had to wait to get to getting Morrison got. But the two wrestled a singles match just this week - and a mostly bland one at that. Was it a mediocre preview for SummerSlam or a morsel to keep us interested while the two ride the pine on Sunday?

Dolph Zigger vs. Alex Riley

A potential match up from Mr. Perfection (not to be confused with Mr. Perfect) and Mr. Perfectly Boring seems most likely, in my opinion. Unlike the other angles, these two haven’t actually managed to wrestle without interference or cowardly retreats, yet. I have zero interest in watching Ry-Ry climb the ranks, but I’d be happy to see Ziggy Pop shut him up. With his fists.

SummerSlam Preview: The Second City Savior vs. The Face of the WWE

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

It's rare that I'm ever surprised by a storyline in the WWE these days. The idea of having two WWE champions, both of whom are actually entitled to call themselves WWE champion, blows my mind. Sure, we've have people who say they were "robbed" of titles, people who say that they got screwed (some who actually did)... but I don't remember a time when we had two legitimate champions. Enter John Cena and CM Punk.

In a situation like this, you'd expect that one would be a face and one would be a heel. Interestingly, both Cena and Punk are getting major heat from the fans. John Cena seems to have lost quite a bit of his popularity with the live crowds. Maybe it was his rivalry with The Miz (the biggest superstar that fans love to hate)? Maybe it's the back and forth smack talking between he and The Rock, a fan favorite? Maybe it's how he keeps slipping into his Boston accent during promos (Ice cream baaaaaaahs)? Maybe people are just over the idea of John Cena being a good guy? Maybe it's because he actually looks like a Fruity Pebble and everyone knows Cocoa Pebbles are better?

Staying a "good guy" or a "face" for your whole career doesn't really work for most superstars. Some of the best... HBK, HHH, the Undertaker, The Rock and - my all time favorite - Bret Hart, all took turns as heels. Maybe it's just time for the fans to see a different side of Cena. CM Punk is making John Cena a heel, whether he wants to be one or not.

When CM Punk took a microphone and sat at the top of the ramp, ranting about various superstars who were unceremoniously booted from the roster and gimmicks that he found ridiculous, I really thought it might be the beginning of a new Attitude Era. Unfortunately, while the fans seemed to really appreciate his honesty (even if it was pre-planned) and his candor, they still boo him. He's handsome, he uses a large vocabulary, he speaks from the heart... Oh, and he's a good wrestler to boot, but he still gets booed.

Sure, he got the most amazing pop in Chicago at MITB. I actually teared up watching the ovation - it was like nothing I've seen in a long time. It was Bret Hart vs. HBK in the Iron Man Match, it was Edge and Christian vs. The Hardys in the best ladder match of all time, it was HBK vs. the Undertaker (both times).... loud and constant cheering. Sure, he gets lots of fan support when he's taking over Comic Con and walking down the street, cold Pepsi in hand, but not in the arenas outside of Chicago. The WWE is making CM Punk a heel that fans aren't sure they're supposed to cheer.

Who will win the first ever undisputed, "unified" WWE championship? Does anyone care? If CM Punk wins, it'll be fun to have a true heel champion again (SCSA anyone?). If Cena wins, it will do a lot to continue the WWE's trend of being predictable. Would Punk get an automatic re-match even though he's technically the losing champion? Since I have no idea which one of them will win the actual match, I'll sum it up with some clear categorical winners:

Best Theme Music: CM Punk -- I can't get that song out of my head. Maybe it's because it plays first on the blog playlist?

Unintentional Loser: The World Heavyweight Champion -- Irrespective of whether Christian or Randy Orton win, the World Heavyweight Championship continues to be meaningless and is forced to play second fiddle to the WWE Championship.

Most Likely to Get Involved: HHH -- Does anyone really think Mr. H's can avoid punching and/or giving the Pedigree to someone? Heck, it might even be Michael Cole. (We can dream)

Best Wardrobe: John Cena -- Disregarding the jorts, the colors Cena wears totally block out the black and white of CM Punk. Although, points to Punk for wearing white briefs. Let's hope it doesn't become some sort of wet t-shirt contest.

Most Likely to Become Unintentionally Hilarious: -- The fans. The fans' reactions to every move that Cena and Punk make will undoubtedly be exaggerated and hysterical. *Gasp*, mouth agape, face palm. Little Jimmies everywhere peeing their jorts.

The truth is, I'm supposed to tell you who I think will actually win. My answer? The fans. Truth be told, the Cena vs. Punk angle isn't actually an angle at all. CM Punk is the angle. He's making people want to tune in. People want to see him tell HHH to "suck it". People want to see him call people on their crap, all while making funny faces and inappropriate jokes. People want to see him confront Stephanie McMahon on how awful her creative team has been. Having CM Punk in the main event at ANY show or PPV equals serious buzz. CM Punk is bringing TRUTH (no, not R-Truth) and REALITY to wrestling. I, for one, am thrilled to see it. I love you John Cena, but I'm guessing CM Punk has this one in the bag.

CM Punk: Savior or Sideshow?

Jeff and I recorded RAW this week, so we're just watching it now. This is the third or fourth week now that CM Punk has seemingly taken a microphone hostage and ranted - saying things that the old WWE wouldn't have allowed.  Fourth wall?  Smashed down.  Kayfabe?  Called out.  I'm amazed that CM Punk is getting away with saying some of the things he's saying.  It makes me wonder - is CM Punk the new Stone Cold Steve Austin, ushering in an era where the fans finally have a voice?  Or, is he being set up to fail by running his mouth and then being chopped down by the brass when he finally goes too far?  Let's recap some of the things he's said recently:

1. Stephanie McMahon and HHH -- Sure, it's no longer a secret that HHH married Stephanie McMahon.  That being said, now that Stephanie has taken on more of the back office part of her job and made it her focus, she was supposed to be hidden behind the fourth wall.  That is to say that superstars don't usually recognize (on camera) that Stephanie controls the creative team... the same creative team that pushes out some insane story lines (Big Show being hit by a car? Seriously!?).  Additionally, a lot of people who are no longer in the WWE have made it quite clear that HHH used his position, first as HBK's best friend and then as Stephanie's boyfriend/husband to push aside superstars who may have been a threat to him.  Now, you've got CM Punk saying, on live television, that HHH probably lays in bed with Stephanie telling her who she should let go.  Maybe it was just a tongue-in-cheek reference to their real lives, or maybe it was an unplanned jab at the back office machine.

2. Casting Decisions -- Did I just hear CM Punk call out the fact that several popular superstars were given the boot last week?  Sure, he used it as an opportunity to say that HHH was gutless for not giving these people the news himself (which just plays into the "screw the man" storyline he's building for himself), but he also make it very public that some popular superstars had been given the boot for no real reason at all.  Vladimir Koslov, DH Smith, Melina and Chris Masters... all superstars who mattered to the fans in some way or another.  Maybe he mentioned them to shed light on the fact that the WWE isn't always nice to their talent?  If that's the case, will he pay for that comment later?  I doubt it.  His first rant called out some great superstars who were shown the door... so maybe this is a way for the WWE to say, "See, we listen.  We know you miss these people.  We don't care enough to bring them back, and we'll kick them out of the building if they DO show up (Melina), but we listen."

3.  The New Rattlesnake?  -- When SCSA was in charge of boosting ratings, he did so by having a carefree way about tormenting Vince McMahon.  Sure, he was honest and said what was on his mind, but it always fell right in line with the story being pushed at the time.  To say that CM Punk is the new SCSA seems a bit wrong.  He does have a cult following simply because he bucks the system, but until I see his face on a collectible cup, I don't know if I believe that the WWE is really investing in the man.


Only time will tell if the WWE is really willing to allow CM Punk to say the things that we all think (or have thought at one point or another).  It's entertaining and driving ratings, so maybe they'll just turn the other cheek.  The thing is, the last time someone tried to mix reality with storyline, they got a nice Screwjob for their efforts. 

Tread lightly and be sure to carry a big stick, Mr. Punk.

SummerSlam Preview: Diva's Championship (Kelly Kelly (c) vs. Beth Phoenix)

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

In the WWE recently, there haven’t been too many compelling story lines around the Divas. Much more so than in the male division, the Divas are split into a babyface group and a heel group. For some reason, all of the faces are best friends and all the heels also are best friends (but we aren’t supposed to like them. Obviously.)

These groups are rigidly defined – divas like Alicia Fox, Maryse and the Bella Twins have been heels seemingly forever. Meanwhile, Kelly Kelly, Eve, Beth Phoenix and former Diva Gail Kim were always faces. No one ever turned from one group to the other…

UNTIL MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 2011. On this fateful date, a battle royale to determine who would face defending champion Kelly Kelly at SummerSlam took place between all the Divas. The powerful Beth Phoenix – the Glamazon! – was declared the victor of this match. Kelly Kelly was obviously thrilled that Beth won. After all, someone in the “face” stable of Divas won the match! She runs in to excitedly hug Beth, who attacks her in response! Boos are heard in the arena because every WWE fan loves Kelly Kelly. Turns seem to never happen in the Diva division, but not that day!

On paper, Beth Phoenix is going to win. Here is what Beth has going for her:

- Outweighs Kelly Kelly by more than 33% of her body weight (150 pounds vs. 108 pounds)
- Former amateur wrestling champion
- Wears a full set of tights – no need to worry about losing her top during an errant move
- Glam Slam has a better finisher name than Kelly Kick

Here’s what Kelly Kelly has going for her:

- #82 on Maxim’s Hot 100
- Clip-in hair extensions could potentially detach if her hair is pulled, surprising Beth long enough for Kelly to take advantage
- Fan support (definitely) and creative support (more than likely)

How can Kelly Kelly possibly overcome the power of the Glamazon?

SummerSlam Preview: SmackDown

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

SmackDown sucks. Christian will probably, actually die at the hands of Randy Orton.

The end.

Lame Finishers

I like to watch House. It is a pretty entertaining show. The only thing that always got me about that show was the first 50 minutes were pretty much for House to make fun of people or to check out 13 or Cameron. Ultimately, though, we know all the medical stuff won’t matter until Wilson makes House think of the cure suddenly, and a likely dying patient just needed more potassium in their diet. Or it's just lupus.

Like House, we know any good wrestling match is the same way. Things don’t start getting interesting until the first finisher is introduced. Up until that point, we enjoy the spots and the story that the match is trying to tell. But it is the finishers that get everybody on the edge of their seats with anticipation of what is going to happen next.

To me, a finisher need three things:

1. It looks sweet.
2. It looks painful.
3. It can come out of nowhere.
Bonus: Can be performed on friends while drunk.

With that said, I am going to share what in my opinion are some of the lamest finishers.

Triple H - “Pedigree”

No one was as happy to see HHH replace Vince McMahon as GM than me. I always enjoyed “The Game” on the mic, but not so much in the ring mostly because of the Pedigree. If I have to describe the move in one word it would be “awkward,” mostly because of the way the guy receives it. He is usually flopping around like fish and we are never sure what part of his body actually hurts. Although, who can blame the victim when they got HHH’s cock & balls resting on the back of their head, amirite? And with the needed kick to the stomach, this one fails all three criteria.




Edge - “Spear”

This one hurts as I’m a certified Edgehead and loved almost everything about him. I wouldn’t be doing my job though if I didn’t include it. The Spear is a pretty simple move, and in the hands of a musclehead can be pretty sweet. Look at Goldberg’s:



My problem, though, is Edge was never a physically frightening guy, so it was hard to take him spearing guys like Batista or Undertaker very seriously. It was a good move, though, for some of Edge’s cooler spots throughout his career. (I recommend watching the Mick Foley match in its entirety). It also has led to a pretty sweet cheer with which I was able to bug every Jericholic I knew on the way to Wrestlemania XXVI.







Hulk Hogan - “Atomic Leg Drop”

Just lame. It's pretty fair to say this one fails all three pretty easily. Although, watching Ross Unverferth leg drop a concrete floor after about 20 beers was pretty awesome.



By the way, there are rumors that at the next TNA PPV the Hulkster may return to the ring for a match against the 53-year-old Sting. Putting their ages together gets you 111; it’s hard to believe that TNA hasn’t taken over the WWE, yet.


Rey Mysterio - “619”

I hate this one so much. It fails all three. First off, if any of these wrestlers actually scouted each other they would know that any time you are resting on the ropes against Rey, maybe you should just drop to the mat. Also, doesn’t it seem like people only rest on the ropes in Rey Mysterio matches? In most matches their momentum takes them out. And which part of the move is the actual 619? Is it the kick to the head, or the senton off the top rope? Why does Rey Mysterio have a beer gut? Has Rey Mysterio ever wrestled a match where the announcers didn’t reference his heart? Can he just go back to Smackdown already where he belongs?