I know many readers probably work the same droid life as me. Mornings are the most depressing time; you freshen up, get some oral hygiene done, get dressed and go to work. Well, let's add some excitement to our morning routine. Introducing WWE's new product: Mr. H's Mouthwash.
Though it may taste like normal mouthwash, the product will inspire the consumers to spit out their mouthwash like the King of Kings. Imagine the rush as you spit spearmint tasting liquid all over your bathroom. Surely the extra motivation will help you raise your Pedigree* at work.
*If you didn't like this pun, they are about to get way worse.
Going out tonight, but don't have a designated driver? CM Punk will personally pick you up and return your car. Trying to pick up girls? CM Punk will make fun of failures endlessly. Want to start a fight with the bouncer? CM Punk may or may not have your back. On the way home, he will ridicule you free of charge. This service will ensure you Go To Sleep in your own bed.
Are you running a business? Are you concerned that your employees smoke a little too much meth? Try out Jeff Hardy's drug testing service. This man has been tested for drugs more than any other human being on planet Earth (except José Bautista). Sure, he's been caught a couple of times. But as any other great Hardy would, he learned from his mistakes.
Any positive test will turn the guilty party's hair into a brightly-colored rainbow. This guarantees that the guy will look like a dbag when you fire him, just like Hardy. Don't leave your business to a Twist Of Fate.
Moving to a new country? Want to fit in? Concerned that your particular manner of speaking is not relatable to the demographic you're pursuing? Use Kofi Kingston's Accent Removal now and avoid any Trouble In (your new) Paradise.
No comments:
Post a Comment