Opening promo
Del Rio wastes no time this week in getting to the ring. His car is worth $225,000 and is the newest in a line of more expensive rides Alberto has used since realizing his
destino. We see highlights of his match against Mysterio last week. Apparently the vicious cross arm breaker Del Rio applied has left Rey’s knee devastated enough for surgery. He’ll be out for several months.
Cena rudely interrupts Del Rio’s pontification before it can begin. He reintroduces himself to the champ. Yeah, we all know who you are, John. Jesus. Dude cannot just sit backstage and watch when the belt is out there. Cena taunts Del Rio, asking: “Am I supposed to believe you own 10,000 automobiles?” Woah, watch that kayfabe!
Punk enters, asking if this is a rerun: “John Cena wants another title match. I’ve seen this one before.” Nailed it! Cena continues to mock ADR and address Punk with a strange mix familiarity and respect. John seems to want to be Punk’s bestie, now. It is lonely at the top, I guess.
But Alberto reminds us that he is the champ. Punk agrees, saying that someone behind the scenes wanted it that way, referring to Del Rio as Birdo, or possibly Berto. Not sure, but either way he believes he deserves a rematch over John. “Your championship clause exists as much as Santa Claus,” he says. Non-PG alert! There are kiddies all over the place, dude!
Mr. H’s sets things up from here: No. 1 Contenders match between Cena and Punk as tonight’s main event. Things just got real, guys.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison
A win for the champ here, but by no means was it a squash match. Things were pretty even throughout and Morrison put some good stuff over on Del Rio, including making him bleed around the eye. Are those rhinestone pants legal? Could be sharp.
In the end, Morrison attempts Starship Pain, but Albie gets out of the way. Del Rio locks in the cross arm breaker and John taps out.
Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella
A quick match, thankfully. Eve pulls some typical booty popping, of which Lawler says he is a big fan. No kidding! Eve wins with a spinning neckbreaker.
Beth Phoenix and Natalya enter to sarcastically applaud, again. I’m eager to see Beth wrestle, but I think they’re actually doing a decent job of building suspense with this storyline. The less she wrestles the more I want to see her.
Jack Swagger vs. Alex Riley
Again!? Really? Really?
REALLY?
Triple H, Kevin Nash and CM Punk promo:
H’s invites Nash out to back up his claim that the two worked out this SummerSlam text business. Nash is very concerned that Trips wants to take away his manhood. Mr. H’s is very concerned that Kevin is not on his payroll. Punk is very concerned with the contents of Stephanie McMahon’s purse.
Big Sexy attacks Punk, and H’s is forced to escort him from the ring. Despite Nash’s considerable rust on the mic (WHAT?), this storyline is intriguing, if not outright entertaining. Who is really behind these mysterious text messages? Who wants Birdo to be champ? Who did Kevin Nash’s dye job? Because you missed a spot in the back there, guy.
Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne vs. David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty
The announcers talk about the coming main event between Cena and Punk for the majority of this match, which is a bit disappointing because it was actually a good tag team match. We got to see a great display of pure power against high-flying acrobatics.
Evan hits the Air Bourne to finish the champs off and he and Kofi do a great job of celebrating like this is an actual goal they have been trying to accomplish for months, rather than a whim from last week. They get big pops from the crowd, probably because they at least know
one of the two guys in this team.
Meanwhile, backstage
John Lauranitis informs Mr. H’s that Nash was in a car accident and Trips takes the bait immediately, leaving for the hospital. John stares longingly – or perhaps diabolically – after him. Which is weird, right?
The Miz and R-Truth promo
Not only were these two hilarious, they generated some great heat from the Canadian crowd. My words probably can’t do justice, so I really suggest you just watch it again:
CM Punk vs. John Cena
Dear guy at Raw who threw back Cena’s shirt TWICE,
You are awesome and you should feel good. Thank you for being you.
Love,
The Miche
The look on Cena’s face when he tossed it back to the same spot was great. It was like he was thinking, “Haha, good one. But I know you want my shirt for real.” NO! WE DON’T! Punk rubs salt on the wound. “They didn’t throw my shirt back,” he says after throwing his shirt to the same place.
These two consistently fight good, entertaining matches. I don’t know if anything will ever come close to the Chicago crowd, but I still love watching Cena and Punk give it their all. Punk mocks the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but his bravado goes on a bit too long and Cena counters.
Both men kick out of the other’s finisher. Cena takes a kick to the head and it looks like Punk is about to hit another GTS for the finish when Nash – not looking like he was in a serious car accident in the slightest – distracts him. What the devil is going on here?
Superlatives
Who got got?
“I believe
Santino Marella just got got.” Couldn’t have said it better myself, Cole.
Most predictable moment
We all knew
Kevin Nash had not been in a car accident, right? Classic misdirect.
Most awkward moment
Dolph Ziggler apparently takes a hand to Vickie Guerrero and the crowd is unsure if they should be offended or not. Obviously you should never hit a lady, but on the other hand it is Vickie Guerrero.
