What They Were Really Thinking... at SummerSlam

"We both immediately regret this decision!"

"I just had my brows done!"

Dude to the left of Mark Henry: "Pleeease don't land on me!"

"First, are those Kelly Kelly's pants?! Second, friends don't let friends get this haircut."

Ref: "Man, I didn't even have to pay to see this action."

"Ohh... shiny!"

SummerSlam Synopsis

Unless you were hiding under Mark Henry the past few days, you probably know what happened at SummerSlam by now. Nevertheless, it is our duty here at Raw is Real to give you color commentary that you can't find anywhere else.


Raw Heels vs. Raw Faces:

Miz comes out wearing his duster. Vintage Miz! Can anyone pull off the duster better than him? I don't think so. Miz comes out to thank us for our insistence that he compete at SummerSlam. I think his biggest proponent at this point is probably George Lopez. If you didn't know, his show was canceled. What?!? Yeah, he had a show and Miz was a frequent guest. I think Lopez is hoping to either become Miz's manager or secure a spot at the coveted Spanish announcers' table.

Anyways, there is a match and the faces win. Mysterio, Morrison and Kingston beat Miz, Del Rio and Truth.


CM Punk Promo:

OMG! Stephanie McMahon makes an appearance. CM Punk makes some hilarious jokes and goes on to refuse a handshake from her, because "he knows where that hand has been." THE FIX IS IN!


Mark Henry vs. Sheamus

If you weren't aware, Mark Henry has been making heads roll on SmackDown. It's OK if you didn't know, because Mark Henry is on.... SmackDown. (Which sucks, if you hadn't heard.) Sheamus has decided to stand up to him. Some people don't like big man matches. I am one of those people, but I thought this was a great match. Mark Henry looks brutal throughout the match, and ends up winning by count out after he plows Sheamus through a wall. It was pretty nuts. If you don't believe me, just ask this guy:

Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

OMG so hot!

My girl Kelly Kelly wins after she counters the Glam Slam into a quick roll up. ONE TWO THREE!


Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

Daniel Bryan is about as over as CM Punk's blood alcohol level. He comes out to crickets, who immediately realize it's Daniel Bryan and stop chirping. Did you know he has like 300 submission moves? Oh, you didn't? I don't blame you, because he's on... SmackDown. Anyway, the match itself is pretty even. It was a well-wrestled match, but in the end Wade Barret wins with WASTELAND!


Christian vs. Randy Orton

Hit the switch! It's Christian! No wait, please keep watching. I was just kidding, don't hit the switch. Anyways, he's on my fantasy team so I have to like him. Don't make fun of me. I COULD NOT PASS UP ON THE VALUE. He has a huge announcement, btw. Since anything goes, he is going to have his best friend come out and be in his corner. Could it really be Edge, the rated R superstar?! OMG, IT IS EDGE! He dances around for a bit then just lays into Christian for being such a crybaby. (Christian should revoke Edge's BFF necklace.) Any publicity is good publicity, I say. I also say that because Christian is on my fantasy team.

Orton comes out doused in what appears to be three bottles of baby oil, then the match starts. This was a very good match. I'd say it was possibly the best of the show. Christian gets RKO'd through the Spanish announcers' table and George Lopez is mad that he wasn't there. There are kendo sticks left and right. Orton is bleeding all over the place. Christian gets thrown through not one, but two tables. Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

If you're counting, this match probably accounted for 77 fantasy points. There are steel steps in the ring. And garbage cans! Just look at this. It's a f***ing jungle gym!

Orton eventually wins by RKO'ing Christian on top of those steel steps. We've seen this ending before, but that doesn't stop it from being awesome. Orton has to have one of the best finishers in the WWE today.


CM Punk vs. John Cena

Here it is. The reason you bought SummerSlam. (We know you're all good WWE fans and watched this legally.) Who is going to be the "undisputed" champion? Without doubt, the match was great, but it wasn't MITB quality. The crowd in Chicago really made that match something special.

I found myself waiting the whole time for Triple H to screw someone over. He eventually did by "accident" but it wasn't the screwjob that I was expecting. The match was slow and methodical. Fellow blogger and Cena mark John Triton was extremely worried that Punk would win after he countered several of Cena's signature moves. Punk fought out of the STF and countered the Attitude Adjustment a number of times.

Punk eventually hits a second Go To Sleep and gets the ONE TWO THREE. BUT CENA'S FOOT WAS ON THE ROPE. Mr. H's misses a vital call, and gives the match to Punk. Since Cena has a ton of respect - but not much hustle - he leaves the ring without too much of a fuss.

BUT WHAT THE F. Big Sexy Kevin Nash comes out of nowhere and Power Bombs my boy. OK, Prick. Ruin the celebration. Whatever, he's still the unanimous WWE Champ.

BUT WHAT THE F AGAIN! Alberto Del Rio runs down into the ring and cashes in his briefcase. No way he can win, right!? He kicks Punk in the head and gets the win faster than it takes JR to tap out of Swagger's ankle lock. Del Rio is the new undisputed champion. If there was a best Heel heel award, this would be it:

Overall, this was a very entertaining PPV. Definitely second best of the year behind MITB.

SummerSlam Preview: Staff Predictions

Who will be the winners and losers come Sunday? Who will entertain us? Who will we barely tolerate? How many spiders - real or imaginary - will R-Truth encounter? Are Fruity Pebbles magically delicious, or is that the other one? Here are the answers to some of these questions from a few of our staff.

Also, be sure to check out our SummerSlam poll to make your own predictions!

SummerSlam Preview: Potential Mid-Card Matches

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

Over the past few days we’ve had a look at the official SummerSlam card with a preview of the Diva’s Championship match, the WWE Championship match and the SmackDown match ups.

So far, that’s the whole card and word on the information superhighway is that the card will remain short officially. Whether that means we’ll only see four long matches or we'll see some filler pop up unannounced is yet to be seen. Thinking about sitting through 30 minutes of a Mark Henry match is sucking all the joy out of my soul, so I’ll admit I’m hoping to see some more talent show up in L.A. on Sunday. Here’s a peek at the possibilities.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

We’ve already seen some matches between these two. I’m always glad to watch the high-flying abilities of Kofi (though I’m less enthused to strain my eyes on the color of his shirt), and Del Rio’s antics never fail to amuse me. They played this feud up by having Kofi rescue Mickey Mouse from Señor Dinero en el Banco two weeks ago. Still, Mr. Boom Boom Boom is the quintessential jobber and I think we’re all hoping for some more unpredictability at SS.

Del Rio cashes in MITB

SummerSlam could - finally - be where Albie realizes his destino by cashing in on an exhausted Cena or Punk. The Mexican aristocrat can only cowardly flee so many times before it gets old, right?

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

The creative team has been working this angle for a few weeks: having these two meet at the end of the title tournament and then on opposing ends of a tag team match. A few days ago, The Miz smashed Rey’s face into the base of that WWE logo statue thing (preventing him from fervently pressing his forehead against the faces of any children this week). It sure looked like Mysterio might have been seriously injured - wink wink, nudge nudge - so this match up might be out.

I would not be surprised to see The Miz pop up somewhere, especially after his bitchy whining on Monday. Besides, dude is everywhere right now.

John Morrison vs. R-Truth

Morrison returned from injury faster than was expected and it would be a shame not to explore the simmering hatred between him and Crazy Eyes. After turning on his best pal in April, Truth had to wait to get to getting Morrison got. But the two wrestled a singles match just this week - and a mostly bland one at that. Was it a mediocre preview for SummerSlam or a morsel to keep us interested while the two ride the pine on Sunday?

Dolph Zigger vs. Alex Riley

A potential match up from Mr. Perfection (not to be confused with Mr. Perfect) and Mr. Perfectly Boring seems most likely, in my opinion. Unlike the other angles, these two haven’t actually managed to wrestle without interference or cowardly retreats, yet. I have zero interest in watching Ry-Ry climb the ranks, but I’d be happy to see Ziggy Pop shut him up. With his fists.

SummerSlam Preview: The Second City Savior vs. The Face of the WWE

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

It's rare that I'm ever surprised by a storyline in the WWE these days. The idea of having two WWE champions, both of whom are actually entitled to call themselves WWE champion, blows my mind. Sure, we've have people who say they were "robbed" of titles, people who say that they got screwed (some who actually did)... but I don't remember a time when we had two legitimate champions. Enter John Cena and CM Punk.

In a situation like this, you'd expect that one would be a face and one would be a heel. Interestingly, both Cena and Punk are getting major heat from the fans. John Cena seems to have lost quite a bit of his popularity with the live crowds. Maybe it was his rivalry with The Miz (the biggest superstar that fans love to hate)? Maybe it's the back and forth smack talking between he and The Rock, a fan favorite? Maybe it's how he keeps slipping into his Boston accent during promos (Ice cream baaaaaaahs)? Maybe people are just over the idea of John Cena being a good guy? Maybe it's because he actually looks like a Fruity Pebble and everyone knows Cocoa Pebbles are better?

Staying a "good guy" or a "face" for your whole career doesn't really work for most superstars. Some of the best... HBK, HHH, the Undertaker, The Rock and - my all time favorite - Bret Hart, all took turns as heels. Maybe it's just time for the fans to see a different side of Cena. CM Punk is making John Cena a heel, whether he wants to be one or not.

When CM Punk took a microphone and sat at the top of the ramp, ranting about various superstars who were unceremoniously booted from the roster and gimmicks that he found ridiculous, I really thought it might be the beginning of a new Attitude Era. Unfortunately, while the fans seemed to really appreciate his honesty (even if it was pre-planned) and his candor, they still boo him. He's handsome, he uses a large vocabulary, he speaks from the heart... Oh, and he's a good wrestler to boot, but he still gets booed.

Sure, he got the most amazing pop in Chicago at MITB. I actually teared up watching the ovation - it was like nothing I've seen in a long time. It was Bret Hart vs. HBK in the Iron Man Match, it was Edge and Christian vs. The Hardys in the best ladder match of all time, it was HBK vs. the Undertaker (both times).... loud and constant cheering. Sure, he gets lots of fan support when he's taking over Comic Con and walking down the street, cold Pepsi in hand, but not in the arenas outside of Chicago. The WWE is making CM Punk a heel that fans aren't sure they're supposed to cheer.

Who will win the first ever undisputed, "unified" WWE championship? Does anyone care? If CM Punk wins, it'll be fun to have a true heel champion again (SCSA anyone?). If Cena wins, it will do a lot to continue the WWE's trend of being predictable. Would Punk get an automatic re-match even though he's technically the losing champion? Since I have no idea which one of them will win the actual match, I'll sum it up with some clear categorical winners:

Best Theme Music: CM Punk -- I can't get that song out of my head. Maybe it's because it plays first on the blog playlist?

Unintentional Loser: The World Heavyweight Champion -- Irrespective of whether Christian or Randy Orton win, the World Heavyweight Championship continues to be meaningless and is forced to play second fiddle to the WWE Championship.

Most Likely to Get Involved: HHH -- Does anyone really think Mr. H's can avoid punching and/or giving the Pedigree to someone? Heck, it might even be Michael Cole. (We can dream)

Best Wardrobe: John Cena -- Disregarding the jorts, the colors Cena wears totally block out the black and white of CM Punk. Although, points to Punk for wearing white briefs. Let's hope it doesn't become some sort of wet t-shirt contest.

Most Likely to Become Unintentionally Hilarious: -- The fans. The fans' reactions to every move that Cena and Punk make will undoubtedly be exaggerated and hysterical. *Gasp*, mouth agape, face palm. Little Jimmies everywhere peeing their jorts.

The truth is, I'm supposed to tell you who I think will actually win. My answer? The fans. Truth be told, the Cena vs. Punk angle isn't actually an angle at all. CM Punk is the angle. He's making people want to tune in. People want to see him tell HHH to "suck it". People want to see him call people on their crap, all while making funny faces and inappropriate jokes. People want to see him confront Stephanie McMahon on how awful her creative team has been. Having CM Punk in the main event at ANY show or PPV equals serious buzz. CM Punk is bringing TRUTH (no, not R-Truth) and REALITY to wrestling. I, for one, am thrilled to see it. I love you John Cena, but I'm guessing CM Punk has this one in the bag.

SummerSlam Preview: Poll

Who will leave SummerSlam as the undisputed Champ?




What mid-card matches (i.e. blatant time filler) will be added?




What will be the biggest crime against fashion (and our eyeballs)?

SummerSlam Preview: Diva's Championship (Kelly Kelly (c) vs. Beth Phoenix)

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

In the WWE recently, there haven’t been too many compelling story lines around the Divas. Much more so than in the male division, the Divas are split into a babyface group and a heel group. For some reason, all of the faces are best friends and all the heels also are best friends (but we aren’t supposed to like them. Obviously.)

These groups are rigidly defined – divas like Alicia Fox, Maryse and the Bella Twins have been heels seemingly forever. Meanwhile, Kelly Kelly, Eve, Beth Phoenix and former Diva Gail Kim were always faces. No one ever turned from one group to the other…

UNTIL MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 2011. On this fateful date, a battle royale to determine who would face defending champion Kelly Kelly at SummerSlam took place between all the Divas. The powerful Beth Phoenix – the Glamazon! – was declared the victor of this match. Kelly Kelly was obviously thrilled that Beth won. After all, someone in the “face” stable of Divas won the match! She runs in to excitedly hug Beth, who attacks her in response! Boos are heard in the arena because every WWE fan loves Kelly Kelly. Turns seem to never happen in the Diva division, but not that day!

On paper, Beth Phoenix is going to win. Here is what Beth has going for her:

- Outweighs Kelly Kelly by more than 33% of her body weight (150 pounds vs. 108 pounds)
- Former amateur wrestling champion
- Wears a full set of tights – no need to worry about losing her top during an errant move
- Glam Slam has a better finisher name than Kelly Kick

Here’s what Kelly Kelly has going for her:

- #82 on Maxim’s Hot 100
- Clip-in hair extensions could potentially detach if her hair is pulled, surprising Beth long enough for Kelly to take advantage
- Fan support (definitely) and creative support (more than likely)

How can Kelly Kelly possibly overcome the power of the Glamazon?

SummerSlam Preview: SmackDown

We're less than a week from SummerSlam! To get us all in the PPV spirit, we're previewing the coming matches and recapping the story lines leading up to the big event.

SmackDown sucks. Christian will probably, actually die at the hands of Randy Orton.

The end.