Raw Heels vs. Raw Faces:
Miz comes out wearing his duster. Vintage Miz! Can anyone pull off the duster better than him? I don't think so. Miz comes out to thank us for our insistence that he compete at SummerSlam. I think his biggest proponent at this point is probably George Lopez. If you didn't know, his show was canceled. What?!? Yeah, he had a show and Miz was a frequent guest. I think Lopez is hoping to either become Miz's manager or secure a spot at the coveted Spanish announcers' table.
Anyways, there is a match and the faces win. Mysterio, Morrison and Kingston beat Miz, Del Rio and Truth.
CM Punk Promo:
OMG! Stephanie McMahon makes an appearance. CM Punk makes some hilarious jokes and goes on to refuse a handshake from her, because "he knows where that hand has been." THE FIX IS IN!
Mark Henry vs. Sheamus
If you weren't aware, Mark Henry has been making heads roll on SmackDown. It's OK if you didn't know, because Mark Henry is on.... SmackDown. (Which sucks, if you hadn't heard.) Sheamus has decided to stand up to him. Some people don't like big man matches. I am one of those people, but I thought this was a great match. Mark Henry looks brutal throughout the match, and ends up winning by count out after he plows Sheamus through a wall. It was pretty nuts. If you don't believe me, just ask this guy:
Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix
OMG so hot!
My girl Kelly Kelly wins after she counters the Glam Slam into a quick roll up. ONE TWO THREE!
Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan
Daniel Bryan is about as over as CM Punk's blood alcohol level. He comes out to crickets, who immediately realize it's Daniel Bryan and stop chirping. Did you know he has like 300 submission moves? Oh, you didn't? I don't blame you, because he's on... SmackDown. Anyway, the match itself is pretty even. It was a well-wrestled match, but in the end Wade Barret wins with WASTELAND!
Christian vs. Randy Orton
Hit the switch! It's Christian! No wait, please keep watching. I was just kidding, don't hit the switch. Anyways, he's on my fantasy team so I have to like him. Don't make fun of me. I COULD NOT PASS UP ON THE VALUE. He has a huge announcement, btw. Since anything goes, he is going to have his best friend come out and be in his corner. Could it really be Edge, the rated R superstar?! OMG, IT IS EDGE! He dances around for a bit then just lays into Christian for being such a crybaby. (Christian should revoke Edge's BFF necklace.) Any publicity is good publicity, I say. I also say that because Christian is on my fantasy team.
Orton comes out doused in what appears to be three bottles of baby oil, then the match starts. This was a very good match. I'd say it was possibly the best of the show. Christian gets RKO'd through the Spanish announcers' table and George Lopez is mad that he wasn't there. There are kendo sticks left and right. Orton is bleeding all over the place. Christian gets thrown through not one, but two tables. Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
If you're counting, this match probably accounted for 77 fantasy points. There are steel steps in the ring. And garbage cans! Just look at this. It's a f***ing jungle gym!
Orton eventually wins by RKO'ing Christian on top of those steel steps. We've seen this ending before, but that doesn't stop it from being awesome. Orton has to have one of the best finishers in the WWE today.
CM Punk vs. John Cena
Here it is. The reason you bought SummerSlam. (We know you're all good WWE fans and watched this legally.) Who is going to be the "undisputed" champion? Without doubt, the match was great, but it wasn't MITB quality. The crowd in Chicago really made that match something special.
I found myself waiting the whole time for Triple H to screw someone over. He eventually did by "accident" but it wasn't the screwjob that I was expecting. The match was slow and methodical. Fellow blogger and Cena mark John Triton was extremely worried that Punk would win after he countered several of Cena's signature moves. Punk fought out of the STF and countered the Attitude Adjustment a number of times.
Punk eventually hits a second Go To Sleep and gets the ONE TWO THREE. BUT CENA'S FOOT WAS ON THE ROPE. Mr. H's misses a vital call, and gives the match to Punk. Since Cena has a ton of respect - but not much hustle - he leaves the ring without too much of a fuss.
BUT WHAT THE F. Big Sexy Kevin Nash comes out of nowhere and Power Bombs my boy. OK, Prick. Ruin the celebration. Whatever, he's still the unanimous WWE Champ.
BUT WHAT THE F AGAIN! Alberto Del Rio runs down into the ring and cashes in his briefcase. No way he can win, right!? He kicks Punk in the head and gets the win faster than it takes JR to tap out of Swagger's ankle lock. Del Rio is the new undisputed champion. If there was a best Heel heel award, this would be it:
Overall, this was a very entertaining PPV. Definitely second best of the year behind MITB.
No comments:
Post a Comment