Reason #98 Why Nobody Watches SmackDown: Promos

There are two things that make wrestling awesome: wrestling and promos. Let's see how SmackDown does on promos by taking a look at Christian's "big" announcement this week:

"I'm gonna sue the WWE."

WHAT?!? WHY?!?

"Because, you see, I have medical documents stating that Randy Orton is mentally unstable, that he has serious anger management issues. Quite simply, that means that if you force me to compete at SummerSlam in a no holds barred match, you're putting your World Heavyweight Champion in an unsafe work environment."

You make a valid point. So what're you gonna do about it?

"If you don't pull the stipulation I'm gonna file a multi-million dollar lawsuit against this company. That means I'm gonna sue you. That means I'm gonna sue your children. That means I'm gonna sue every miserable piece of crap that earns a paycheck for this company, including that idiot from talent relations, John Laurinaitis (...) In fact, I'll go one better than that. I'll sue every single fan who buys a ticket to SummerSlam. And I'll sue every single fan who watches SummerSlam live on pay-per-view. I'LL SUE EVERYBODY. I DON'T CARE."

But... but... I'm a fan that was gonna watch SummerSlam live on pay-per-view...AND I DON'T HAVE A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

HHH: "Geez I guess I have no choice but to announce that the match at SummerSlam is... on." Blah blah blah, breach of contract, blah blah blah, "I'll fire you."

OH SHIT! Good save, Mr H's. I really thought we were f*cked there for a minute. WHAT NOW BITCH?

: (

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!? I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME (...) WHY, WHY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?"

You gots to earn some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That's why. H's out.

"WAIT WAIT WAIT. CUT THE MUSIC, I GET THE LAST WORD... Fine forget the lawsuit, I'm gonna beat Randy Orton this Sunday at SummerSlam."

Bitch, it was forgotten before you even said it. And that's why nobody watches SmackDown.