Lame Finishers

I like to watch House. It is a pretty entertaining show. The only thing that always got me about that show was the first 50 minutes were pretty much for House to make fun of people or to check out 13 or Cameron. Ultimately, though, we know all the medical stuff won’t matter until Wilson makes House think of the cure suddenly, and a likely dying patient just needed more potassium in their diet. Or it's just lupus.

Like House, we know any good wrestling match is the same way. Things don’t start getting interesting until the first finisher is introduced. Up until that point, we enjoy the spots and the story that the match is trying to tell. But it is the finishers that get everybody on the edge of their seats with anticipation of what is going to happen next.

To me, a finisher need three things:

1. It looks sweet.
2. It looks painful.
3. It can come out of nowhere.
Bonus: Can be performed on friends while drunk.

With that said, I am going to share what in my opinion are some of the lamest finishers.

Triple H - “Pedigree”

No one was as happy to see HHH replace Vince McMahon as GM than me. I always enjoyed “The Game” on the mic, but not so much in the ring mostly because of the Pedigree. If I have to describe the move in one word it would be “awkward,” mostly because of the way the guy receives it. He is usually flopping around like fish and we are never sure what part of his body actually hurts. Although, who can blame the victim when they got HHH’s cock & balls resting on the back of their head, amirite? And with the needed kick to the stomach, this one fails all three criteria.




Edge - “Spear”

This one hurts as I’m a certified Edgehead and loved almost everything about him. I wouldn’t be doing my job though if I didn’t include it. The Spear is a pretty simple move, and in the hands of a musclehead can be pretty sweet. Look at Goldberg’s:



My problem, though, is Edge was never a physically frightening guy, so it was hard to take him spearing guys like Batista or Undertaker very seriously. It was a good move, though, for some of Edge’s cooler spots throughout his career. (I recommend watching the Mick Foley match in its entirety). It also has led to a pretty sweet cheer with which I was able to bug every Jericholic I knew on the way to Wrestlemania XXVI.







Hulk Hogan - “Atomic Leg Drop”

Just lame. It's pretty fair to say this one fails all three pretty easily. Although, watching Ross Unverferth leg drop a concrete floor after about 20 beers was pretty awesome.



By the way, there are rumors that at the next TNA PPV the Hulkster may return to the ring for a match against the 53-year-old Sting. Putting their ages together gets you 111; it’s hard to believe that TNA hasn’t taken over the WWE, yet.


Rey Mysterio - “619”

I hate this one so much. It fails all three. First off, if any of these wrestlers actually scouted each other they would know that any time you are resting on the ropes against Rey, maybe you should just drop to the mat. Also, doesn’t it seem like people only rest on the ropes in Rey Mysterio matches? In most matches their momentum takes them out. And which part of the move is the actual 619? Is it the kick to the head, or the senton off the top rope? Why does Rey Mysterio have a beer gut? Has Rey Mysterio ever wrestled a match where the announcers didn’t reference his heart? Can he just go back to Smackdown already where he belongs?